Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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