VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
