I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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