I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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