Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
