dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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