This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
