Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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