I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
