No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
