I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
