All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
