remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
