I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
