Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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