Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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