2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
