Welp...herpes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
