She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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