Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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