Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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