i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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