I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i think my cat just said my name.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
