She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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