I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
