i wish starbucks made bloody marys
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
