I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
