I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
