No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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