First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
