You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
