help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
