like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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