I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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