its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
