My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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