trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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