They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
