Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We are all done wearing pants today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
