Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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