I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
