She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
where are you?
Hypothermia
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize