Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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