So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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