I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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