I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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