Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
