oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
