I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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