Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
