There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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