Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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