Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
