I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
