There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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