My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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