I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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