Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
