So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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