matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
