Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
