Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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