My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
