it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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