I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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