I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
