I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sarcasm needs its own font
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
