I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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