I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
