what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
