i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
