:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
