9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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