Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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