i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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