it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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