There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
