nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
