I wish I only lived at night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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