I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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