May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
