were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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