Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
