so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
