you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
