i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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