I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
