WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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