We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
handjob tips. give me some.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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