I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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