fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
