kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
