I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
