Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
where are you?
Hypothermia
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
