Betty ford says i'm here all night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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