this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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