Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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