if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
